


What is Love?

by ExoEl88



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Angst, Dream Sex, Friends With Benefits, Heartache, Love Confessions, M/M, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:45:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4796516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExoEl88/pseuds/ExoEl88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taemin doesn't know what love is, and if he doesn't find out, he could lose the most important person in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What is Love?

**Author's Note:**

> I'll start off by saying that I have absolutely no idea what inspired me to write this. Normally there's something that inspires all of my works. Despite the title being an EXO song, it was not inspired by it. 
> 
> Anyway, enough of my rambling. Enjoy~~

Taemin interlocks their fingers above their heads as he pushes into Jongin. The bronzed body below his is beautiful as it arches towards him, quivering in pleasure. The friction makes him see nothing but white. Taemin bites back a moan when Jongin takes all of him in. “Jonginnie,” he whimpers, lost in his heat. "You're so tight." His heart is racing and his blood is boiling beneath his flushed skin. 

Only Jongin makes him feel this way. He feels so alive when they are together like this. Jongin’s head rolls back with his eyes half lidded and his teeth biting his bottom lip. That look alone brings Taemin closer to cumming. He slowly pulls out before he pushes back in again, causing shivers to run down both of their spines.

Their fingers tighten in their locked hands as the pleasure starts to build. Jongin moans into the kiss Taemin initiates. He licks across Jongin’s bottom lip before he slips his tongue inside. He’s overcome by the sensations he feels; the younger boy’s skin against his, the tight heat clamping around his cock, the soft lips kissing him. All of it feels like heaven.

A throaty groan tears through Jongin's mouth, muffled by their kissing when Taemin finds the spot that will have Jongin seeing stars. He can feel the tremors of the aftershock as they ripple through Jongin’s body. Taemin moans as he pulls from the kiss, breathless and desperate to increase the friction. He pounds back into Jongin with more fervor and watches as he falls apart. The younger of them claws his free hand down Taemin’s back, panting and groaning. Strands of chocolate colored hair cling to his glistening forehead. He looks seconds away from cumming already.

Soon it becomes too much for both of them. Jongin’s whole body is trembling as he tries to hold back his orgasm. Taemin continues to relentlessly thrust into him, hitting his prostate every time. Jongin lets out a long, needy moan when his climax hits. Sticky streams of cum coat their stomachs. Lost in the waves of his orgasm, he spasms and clenches around Taemin’s cock, quickly pushing him over the edge, too. Taemin's hot cum floods into Jongin, leaking onto the sheets below. When the last of his load is unleashed, Taemin collapses onto Jongin, exhausted and completely spent.

He’s pulled into a cuddly embrace before they finally unlock their hands. Jongin initiates a sleepy kiss before pulling the sheets over them. “I love you,” he whispers, eyes already falling closed.

\---

Taemin wakes covered in cum and sticky sheets. The bliss of the orgasm still tingles in his skin. When he notices the lack of warmth beside him, he unconsciously moves to snuggle closer to Jongin and freezes in his tracks. 

That’s right.

The bed is empty. It was just a dream.

Jongin left three days ago.

Reality comes crashing down on him. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to being the only one waking up in his bed again. Swallowing thickly, he sits up and looks around his room. It used to seem small and cozy when Jongin was here, but now… it feels too big, like it was always made for two people to share. 

As he looks around his empty and seemingly lifeless room, he spots his front door. The sight of it alone reminds him of that day.

\---

It was a normal morning. The weak autumn sun leaked between the curtains, slowly waking them both. The night before had been wonderful as always. Sex was always impossibly good with Jongin. Taemin thought the day would be like any other.

But he couldn't have been more wrong.

Jongin's face didn't have its usual sleepy smile on it. Instead, he looked distant and lost in his thoughts. His lips were pressed into a tight line, and he wouldn't meet Taemin's gaze.

"What is it?" Taemin asked, grabbing his waist and pulling him close. He smelled like cum and sex, but he still had the lingering earthy smell that was his natural scent. Taemin never could get enough of it. It was comforting when he was nervous like this.

Jongin's eyes focused on his, and for a few moments, he just stared. But the look wasn't pleasant. Not even a hint of a smile was seen. "Taemin..." 

He would never forget the way he said his name. It was filled with so much pain and sorrow. 

"Jongin, you're scaring me..." he whispered, trying to comfort him as best he could. 

"I can't do this," he said suddenly, jerking out of Taemin's embrace. He moved frantically to find his clothes.

Taemin's heart felt like it was stabbed in that second. "Can't do what?" he asked, looking to him for answers. Jongin's eyes flooded with tears as he tugged on his jeans.

"I can't be with you. Not like this," Jongin said, turning his back on him to find his shirt.

Taemin stood slowly and tried to grab his hand. Immediately, he flinched away from the contact. He tried to ignore the sting of rejection and stepped in front of Jongin to see his face. "Jongin..." he started, but was interrupted.

“You don't believe in love," he said, running a shaky hand through his dark locks. It was one of his nervous habits. "And... I love you, Taemin. I love you so much it hurts. I can't stay here and pretend this is just sex. I can't do it," he murmured, trying to wipe away his tears. He bent over and picked up his shirt while Taemin stood there, swept in shock and a mix of emotions he couldn't even comprehend. 

Jongin moved for the door, and Taemin found himself instinctively reaching for his wrist to keep him from going. “Please don’t go,” he whispered, unsure of where this came from. He’s never asked anyone else to stay when they told him that they’re over. Something felt different this time, but he had no idea why.

“Taemin, don’t do this to me,” Jongin said, not turning around to face him. 

“Please,” Taemin whispered and his fingers curled just the slightest bit tighter around Jongin’s wrist.

“Why?” Jongin asked, pressing his head against the front door.

“I… I don’t know,” Taemin replied at a loss for words. He hesitantly moved closer to Jongin's back. “Just… please don’t go.”

“I can’t stay. I can’t do this anymore,” the younger said hoarsely. “Goodbye, Taemin.”

With that, he pulled away and walked out of the front door, leaving Taemin more confused and hurt than he'd ever been in his life.

\---

Though he was fast asleep just two minutes ago, he feels completely awake now that he remembered the worst moment of his life. Even though it was only three days ago, those three days felt like years. He still hurts every bit as much as he did when Jongin first left, if not more so. Every time he wakes up cold and alone in his empty bed, it hits him all over again. 

He misses him. He misses him so much, it feels like he can’t breathe. But he doesn’t know what that means or how to fix it. For the longest time, Taemin didn’t believe in love. He didn’t think it was possible to be so invested in one person. But now, he’s not so sure.

When Jongin left that day, he took something with him. Taemin can’t seem to move past it. He is so incredibly depressed that he left. But he’s still scared to face the answer as to why. He’s seen how this so called “love” hurts. He doesn’t want to be vulnerable in that way.

But now, he can’t stop wondering if he already is.

He wants to curl into Jongin’s strong arms and fall asleep. He wants to see that dorky smile light up his face when he’s happy. He wants to hold his hand and go to dog parks with him. He wants to go on the cliche ice cream date with him.

It’s not just sex.

He knows that now. But even if he tried to explain that, it wouldn't matter. Jongin still won’t return any of his calls. As a matter of fact, he hasn’t even been going to work at the studio. Joonmyun won’t tell him why, either, but he doesn’t have to. Taemin knows that Jongin is avoiding him in every way that he can.

He tries his best not to feel as sad as he does, but he can’t control it.

For the first time since Jongin left, Taemin’s eyes begin to tear up. His heart hurts too much, and he’s been holding this back since the second his front door closed.

Would Jongin forgive him? Taemin isn’t sure. He’s still not sure that what he feels is love… because he doesn’t know what love is.

He furiously wipes his cheeks, trying to hold himself together. He stands and throws on some clothes and shoes. All he knows it that he needs to get _out_. His apartment is suffocating him. He can’t spend another minute in a place he used to spend so much time with Jongin.

Taemin feels a little better when the chilly night air nips at his face. It cools his watery eyes and too warm face. Though he feels physically better, it doesn’t do anything for his aching heart or racing thoughts.

Jongin. Jonginnie. Jongin-ah.

He realizes he’s never really bothered with nicknames for any of his past boyfriends. That had never been intentional on his part, but Jongin was different.

He’s always different. 

Taemin wanders down the streets and decides to seriously think hard. Jongin wants love. Can he give him that? Because if he can’t, then Jongin is right. He deserves better than someone who is looking for good sex. He deserves someone who loves him. Taemin can’t ask for another chance if he’s not able to love. He doesn’t want to let Jongin go, but he can’t be selfish. Not with him.

_Why?_

That’s the question, isn’t it?

Jongin’s always been different. He mentally creates a list of the things that set him apart from everyone else. Taemin prioritizes him over other people. He doesn’t want to let him walk away from their relationship, when it's never bothered him before with anyone else. Jongin makes his heart race just by standing in the same room. Taemin wants to do skinship more simply because he likes the way Jongin’s skin feels. He enjoys cuddling him and hearing the constant beating of his heart. And more often times than not, Taemin can just stare at him and admire his beauty, both internal and external.

Is that what love is?

Can Taemin see himself staying with Jongin in three months? A year? Four years? How long can he see them staying together?

His heart pounds when he realizes he can’t see an end. He would gladly be with Jongin every step of the way through life. Graduating college, getting a house, getting married. He wants to see him grow old… and watch him get wrinkles and gray hair. A small smile spreads across his lips just imagining it. He puts a hand over his heart as he finally comes to an understanding. He loves Jongin. If what he feels for Jongin isn’t love, then love really doesn’t exist. What can be better than the relationship he has? Nothing.

He hopes it’s not too late. He doesn’t want to lose Jongin now that he understands what he feels. With desperation reinforcing his speed, he moves much faster than would be normal walking pace.

The way to Jongin’s apartment is ingrained into his memory. By now, he’s lost count how many times he’s been here. Ever since they first met in dance class three years ago, they were constantly together in their free time. Now that Taemin thinks about it, he can’t remember a gradual build of friendship. When they first saw each other, it was instant, like they’d been friends for years before they met. And from there, it didn’t take long to become something deeper, something more. 

Taemin wonders if he’s been in love for a long time and just didn’t know it until now. If that’s the case, then he really can’t let Jongin go. Not without telling him how he feels. He will leave that decision up to Jongin.

Beads of sweat begin to form on his forehead and hands, no doubt from his urgency to get to him mixed with the nervousness building in his chest. He doesn’t know what to expect, especially at this time of night. If he had to guess, it’s probably around one or two. There’s no guarantee Jongin will even hear him knock if he’s sleeping. Somehow, now that he’s discovered his feelings, he feels like he has to express them now, or it will be too late.

The dim flickering lights outside of each apartment give little light, but he doesn’t need to see the path in front of him to know the way. In just a few seconds, he arrives at the door with dull green paint and crooked numbers. With a slightly shaking hand, he knocks three times, desperately hoping that Jongin hasn't gone to bed yet.

When the door begins to open, Taemin is a little startled to see Sehun there instead of Jongin. “What do you want?” he asks coldly. He looks protective, with his stance just a little straighter than usual.  

He swallows nervously and looks down at Sehun’s feet. “I want to see Jongin,” he replies, trying to keep himself calm. Sehun answering the door makes him a little more anxious than before.

“I think you should leave,” Sehun says, just as cold as before. 

“Let him in,” Jongin says gruffly, suddenly standing behind the youngest. 

Sehun looks reluctant, but he opens the door for Taemin. “Jongin…” he says, voice thick with warning.

They share an intense look, and Taemin can’t help but feel uncomfortable. He shifts from side to side unknowingly. After a few seconds, Sehun’s gaze softens. “Okay… call me if you need me,” he says before grabbing his keys and moving past Taemin on his way out the front door.

Taemin debates asking what that was about when Jongin suddenly interrupts his thoughts. “What do you want?” His voice is tight, and his gaze is guarded. Taemin hates seeing it directed towards him. 

“I… I’ve been doing some thinking since you left,” he starts, trying to calm himself down. To his surprise, he feels his face growing warmer and his eyes beginning to water. “Jongin… I think I’m in love with you, too. Since you left… I realized how much you mean to me and how much I don’t want to lose you.”

“Taemin...” Jongin says, his lower lip quivering slightly. The way he says his name lingers in the air, and he knows that he needs to elaborate.

“Jongin, I want to wake up next to you in the mornings. I want to see your smile and hear your laugh. I want to spend every day with you. I want us to grow old together and have stories to share. If… if this isn’t love, then I don’t know what is,” he says, completely baring his soul. It’s scary in a way that he couldn’t have been prepared for. Now that he acknowledges his feelings, he won’t be able to take it if Jongin tells him to leave. "What we have isn't just sex."

Taemin looks into his eyes, searching for an unspoken answer. Jongin looks like he’s hesitant to believe him, like it’s too good to be true. The older takes a step closer and brings up his hand to wipe away a tear from Jongin’s face. “Please. I love you, Jongin,” he whispers softly.

The younger closes his eyes and leans into his touch for a few seconds. “I love you, too,” he whispers back before pulling him into a tight embrace. The words no longer make him uncomfortable or scared. Instead, they bring a smile to his lips as he collapses against him. Jongin’s earthy scent smells like home.

He’s never felt so content and loved than in that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading~ I really appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed this. Please leave your feedback. I'd love to hear your thoughts.


End file.
